“Salovey and Mayer (1989-90) originally defined emotional intelligence as the "ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and use this information to guide one's thinking and actions" (p. 189) (Carson, K. D., Carson, P. P., & Birkenmeier, B. J. 2016)” EI comes down to awareness. What emotions are being emitted from the self and from the world around us. EI does not just take into account that the other person has clenched fists and is stating that they are going to hit you. EI is the awareness that you are causing the other person distress or happiness.
Being self aware means not only do I know what makes me mad or disappointed, it's what I do with the feeling. I think that being self aware has a lot to do with the situation. If a person is trying to give sympathy by listening and not giving advice, it is better than telling that person a simple answer. I also think that even by being self aware you can't always control how you are going to feel about something. A Forbes article said it best “you can’t control how something makes you feel. You can only control what you do”(Markey,2018). To take a controversial argument for example: how people feel about religion. When a devout religious person meets an atheist there needs to be self-awareness. For both people, the other person makes them angry but it's what you do with that anger that matters. Will that person throw a punch or start an argument? Having self-awareness means that you know you are feeling something, but not acting on that feeling.
That feeling needs to me managed. “Nothing makes you angry. You get angry. Nothing makes you hopeless. You decide to feel hopeless. You are the master of your own mind, so you should dictate how your emotions make you feel, not the other way around”(Brubaker,2017). Nothing will make you act on your feelings. Nothing is forcing me to be happy or mad. Managing my feelings is about how do I want to react to this. Some people want to see passion, distress in a leader, or to see a stalwart leader. Self-management is not the feeling or the impulse that I feel. It's the action or reaction that I should make based on the situation not my feelings.
That reaction to the situation is based on the awareness of the social aspect of the person or people you are trying to engage, enlighten, fear, or warn ect. A person can only act on their managed feelings to best fit the social ramifications. The desired outcome of the conversation or situation has to be aware to the leader who is trying to manage the feelings and emotions of the situation.
I think that social awareness and social skills both are misrepresented in the comparison of the good samaritan and the man in the subway by Dr. Daniel Goleman. The two situations are not comparable because the good samaritan is taken too far out of context. A college campus is not the place to make sure a man is ok when he is throwing up or making gagging sounds. In my college experience, this is a common occurrence. College adults tend to drink and have natural reactions. I think that the correct amount of self passion was illustrated by not stopping. People today are not trustworthy, this situation could have been a setup for robbery, the person could have had a spreadable disease from their blood or vomit. The Good Samaritan Act is a perfect argument for why these are not comparable for compassion. The Good Samaritan Act has to protect doctors and nurses by law from getting sued if something goes wrong. That is self awareness and social awareness. Awareness that you could be robbed or maimed in the act of helping or that someone has probably had too much alcohol.
References
Brubaker, K. (2017, November 22). How to Develop Self-Management in The Workplace. Retrieved April 2, 2019, from https://www.bizlibrary.com/article/self-management-skills/
Carson, K. D., Carson, P. P., & Birkenmeier, B. J. (2016). Measuring emotional intelligence: Development and validation of an instrument. Journal of Behavioral and applied Management, 2(1), 810.
Markey, M. (2018, September 18). How To Increase Emotional Intelligence On Your Team. Retrieved April 2, 2019, from https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbeshumanresourcescouncil/2018/09/18/how-to-increase-emotional-intelligence-on-your-team/#68dc8b4b1fa1
“Salovey and Mayer (1989-90) originally defined emotional intelligence as the "ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and use this information to guide one's thinking and actions" (p. 189) (Carson, K. D., Carson, P. P., & Birkenmeier, B. J. 2016)” EI comes down to awareness. What emotions are being emitted from the self and from the world around us. EI does not just take into account that the other person has clenched fists and is stating that they are going to hit you. EI is the awareness that you are causing the other person distress or happiness.
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